Letters to Niantic: Love, Dugtrio

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Hi Niantic.

We were SO excited when you told us that we would feature as part of Fashion Week this year. People don’t often think of us as a ‘fashionable’ Pokémon, or even a cute one. We’d say many people like to joke about our appearance, we’re a bit of what the kids call a ‘meme’. We’ve been told we look like those Whack-A-Mole games which isn’t much fun, having kids try to bop us on the head. We may have heard people say we look like a poop even. People are always speculating what we look like under the ground, and to that we say, it’s none of your business! But we can assure you we are not poops! We are not poops! It can be disheartening (though we don’t mind the people who guess that we are super muscly underground We’re totally super strong and muscly). We’re not a bad Pokémon, but we don’t remember the last time we heard anyone say we were their favourite. And we heard once that every Pokémon was someone’s favourite, but Niantic, we don’t think we are yours.

We were a little confused when you picked me. We’d seen Lapras looking snazzy in their bowtie, of course they did, everyone loves Lapras. We’ve seen Pikachu get endless different outfits, they can do a full on fashion parade at this point, their wardrobe is stuffed full! We’d even seen our pal Croagunk sporting their backwards cap, looking cool as a cucumber. They’ve all got a bit of attitude, a bit of hip, not us though, we’re the mole Pokémon. We just dig. We may be triplets, but we share one mind, one body, one train of thought, and admittedly most of the time that thought is ‘DIG’, but when you told us we could join in with Fashion Week, we were overjoyed! We’ve often admired our Alola cousins pretty blonde bobs, and wished we could do something to spice up our look too, and finally, it was our turn.

But Niantic, please, please tell us when we upset you. Somewhere between telling us we could be part of Fashion Week and giving us our outfit, we must have upset you, it’s the only possible explanation.

We saw our little baby Diglett sporting their hat and couldn’t get over how adorable and dapper they looked, but when it came time to put our costume on we were confused. We still only had one hat, even though we had three heads. We looked at each other, and we had to settle on just one of our heads wearing our one, singular hat. Why don’t we all deserve a hat Niantic? We would look so suave with a hat perched on each of our heads. Isn’t it the least we deserve? We don’t get much credit, and we work really hard, and we don’t even get enough hats for our heads.

Toxicroak gets a hat even though they ruin it with their forehead spike! We wouldn’t ruin our hats. We’d look after them, we promise. We’d brush off the sand and dirt and muck after a long day of digging, and we’d even ask Timburr to help us make a special hat rack for them, that’s how much we would look after them.

We’ll be honest, it’s caused some bickering amongst our usually singled minded heads. The tallest head won’t share and is insisting they wear it all the time. Tears have happened, and as a Ground type that just isn’t good for us. The waterworks aren’t doing us any favours, and it is a sad day to be a Dugtrio.

We’d love to have been given the opportunity to all sport a lovely new hat Niantic, but instead, you’ve left us wondering what we did wrong. All we wanted was to be included, and now we feel sadder than ever. Please let us know what we did so we can make amends.

Yours,

Dugtrio xxx

The hats of our dreams

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